I have two lemon trees.
I've had them forever. Ok, maybe just 7 or 8 years.
But look at them. Scrawny. Lemon-less. Unhappy.
I have tried lots of different things to make them happy.
Fertilizer. More water. Less water. Different locations.
And nothing seems to help.
But I am not one to give up. Not on lemon trees. So I am off and running with
Plan Q.
I have recently moved them out to the big new garden. And when I say that I moved them, what I mean is that my guy moved them and I supervised. I am an excellent supervisor.
Now, it is all sun, all the time. That seems like a good plan.
But the best part of the plan revolves around a story I heard from a friend's mom.
It seems that she too was living a lemon-less life. Pitiful trees that produced nothing or close to nothing. But then one year she had a freezer fiasco and everything in it thawed and spoiled before she realized it. She had a LOT of mackerel tucked away in there. Mackerel that she had shipped home from Russia when she was out visiting family. Because you just can't get good mackerel in America. But now, it was all spoiled. So instead of letting it go completely to waste, she took it all out and buried it under her lemon tree. And KA-BOOM. That lemon tree was transformed into a super-tree, producing grapefruit sized lemons for the next 10+ years.
So, I decided that this was the plan for me. But where in the world was I going to get a freezer full of spoiled Russian mackerel?? Hmmm..... Then one day as I was contemplating this fish dilemma, I saw two high school boys that we know pull up in a big red pick-up truck and load up my guy's kayak. Hmmm.....I happen to know that both of these boys were born with fishing poles in their hands. And they obviously had some sort of arrangement with my guy. Hmmm....I was starting to feel a plan come together.
So, I asked my guy what was up with the boys and the kayak. "Ocean fishing" he says. Hmmm....
"Babe, do you think the boys actually catch any fish."
"Oh yeah. Billy says they killed it last week."
"Huh...Do you think they would be willing to bring me the guts and heads and stuff?"
This is when I get the look. THE look. You know the one that says "How is it possible that this is my lot in life."
"Um, why would you want guts and heads and stuff."
"To fertilize the lemon trees."
"And who is going to do this fertilizing?"
"Well, I was thinking...you."
"Oh great."
"But listen, I would be willing to pick all of the giant lemons that we are going to be getting for the next 10 years. All by myself. You won't have to help at all."
I got THE look again and then he said, "I'll ask them."
So, sure enough, last week the boys showed up with guts. And heads. And other parts. 30 pounds of super gross parts to be exact. Oh, it was gross. And stinky. Real stinky. Hmmm...my friend's mom did not mention this little tidbit.
My guy goes out and buries them quick-like, before we stink up the whole neighborhood. But they still stink! It is like the smell is just oozing out of the ground. It is so yucky. Unless you happen to be a little black dog. In that case, it is like a little slice of heaven.
Everyday when I go out to my garden she comes with me. She LOVES to go to the garden. She races ahead and runs laps around the whole thing while she waits for me to get there and open the gate. Then when I let her in she runs laps around the rows, and rolls in the mulch, and chases lizards, and eats the strawberries right off the plants.
But now that we have that smell...well it is a whole different game. She still runs ahead, but when she gets there she just paces at the gate waiting for me.
And when I let her in, she goes right to the smelly spots. And she...
It's like she just can't get enough! It is pure doggie-heaven.
(If you come by to visit me, DO NOT pet the dog!! But if you forget, don't worry, you will have a lovely little smell all over your hands that will remind you.)
And it is not just the dog. Look at this...
Somebody else wants in. I don't know who ripped this hole in my fence but I am pretty sure I will recognize the intruder if I come across him/them. Hopefully, it is a raccoon or a fox and not another dog from the neighborhood... My poor unsuspecting neighbors.
And one more thing. Now we have flies!! We've never had flies. Not even when we had a horse. But now, it's like a plague. Who knew?? Flies prefer fish guts to horse poo...
So, all of this to say that I am starting to regret this plan. It is sorta grossing up my life...Man, I hope I get some lemons!!
